{mommy-ness}

When people ask me what I want to be or do with my life my answer is the same as it was when I was five: "I want to have a family...be a wife to my Prince Charming and a mommy to sweet kids."

I think that's every little girl's dream at some point in her lifetime, but in many cases that dream changes. Not for me it hasn't. I'm a 16 year old junior in high school, and I want to be a wife and a mommy with all my heart.

This past year I have been blessed with many opportunities to babysit little kiddos outside of my family. I spend 3 mornings a week watching kids from 8 months to 2.5 years old, 6-12 at a time. They are precious! I have grown to love them so much over the past 3 months. I love how they went from crying and being shy and having separation anxiety to running in and saying "Hi!" And at times giving me a hug. We read books, throw balls, dress baby dolls 23 times, do puzzles, make imaginary food and enjoy delicious meals, we blow bubbles and build Lego towers. They get rowdy and loud and sometimes they fall and get hurt, then they come running to me and whimper and little tears start rolling down their sweet faces, but I kiss their "boo boo's" and they get happy again. The ones who can talk tell me all about their kitty cats and princess dresses and how they got a red truck for their birthday. The ones who can't talk clearly mumble on and on about who-knows-what and smile so proudly that I'm sure they think they just told the most exciting story of all time and I just say: "Wow! That's cool." Then there's the little boys who never talk and just grin and are adorable all the time. 

There are times when I dread being in a small room surrounded by toddlers who demand attention at every minute, and I tire of reading the same books over and over again, and hello. The boys get crazy and start hitting each other and tears start flowing and I almost lose my patience when they keep climbing into the cabinet that I said not to climb in. 

But the Lord is there with me and I am able to overcome my urge to give up. (Most of the time) And usually I'm able to return the room and all it's inhabitants to the happy place we all love. 

And then comes the best moment of all: mommy time. I open the door at 12 and they all run to be on the look out for their mommy. For the toddlers, when she's spotted deafening shouts and squeals erupt. "Mommy! It's my mommy!!" For the babies, when mommy comes into view smiles as big as any I've ever seen break out and they wiggle and squirm trying their hardest to get to her.

1 afternoon a week I babysit 2 little boys so their mom can run errands and have some "me time". We build forts in their play room and eat gummies and watch shows and make crafts, I give piggy back rides, I tickle them and they tackle me. We have fun and they really do love me. But boy oh boy. When their mama walks in and they hear her voice, it becomes a game of get-to-the-door-as-fast-as-you-can. The 3 year old runs, and the baby does his funny little scoot across the wood floor, doing a strange half laughing/half crying thing. She scoops them up and kisses them and tells them she loves them and you can just see happy contentment in their faces.

 I am older sister to 8 kids...and I adore them. Yes, I am mean and bossy sometimes, and they can get really loud and annoying, but no matter what AMAZING things I might do with my life, my favorite memories will always be the ones I have made with my siblings. Whether it's snuggling on the couch while watching a movie for the hundredth time, or listening to them explain their latest Lego creations to me, or letting them "help" me make cookies....

 Last night I woke up to a soft crying and through the darkness I saw Blessing crawl out of her bed, drag her stuffed bear and blanket and head for the door. By the time I got to her she was half way down the stairs. I picked her up and asked her if she was okay. She whispered back her reply: "I just want mommy."

These kids, these precious little humans God has so graciously put in my life, I love them. I'm learning  treasure them. They love me too. Whether they're shy little boys who give me hugs before they leave class, or girls who are constantly telling me she loves me and I'm her favorite, or little boys who run up to me as soon a church is over and drags me around talking a mile a minute, or little brothers who are bashful and get uncomfortable about telling me they love me....

But no matter what, I'm not their mommy. No matter how much I love them and they love me, I'm not their mommy.

Mommies are such a big part in any one's life. From the time you're small and helpless, to when you are old enough to do things on your own but still want your mommy to be there. I have this beyond amazing mom who is sooo under appreciated, and who deserves so much more then me as a daughter. She does so much for me. She's always there for me to talk to. She always has an answer. She's such an awesome example for me. No matter where I am, or what I'm doing, there comes a point when all I want is my mommy. 

Whoa. What on earth brought that on? I've been around lots of mommies lately and I've been watching how they interact with their kids and it makes me long for that time in my life to come, and to come quickly!

But wait a minute here. Or better yet a few years. Because I'm not ready for the mommy-hood chapter yet. My dream is to become a mommy one day, but ultimately my dream is to live my life for God's glory and according to His will, and until He opens that door I will continue to love on the kids He's put in my path and to learn from the mothers around me and to be a light for Him. 

Dear babysitters, older sisters, and young ladies dreaming of mommy-hood, keep loving and learning. And wait...because the Lord's timing is always perfect, even though at times it might not seem so, it is. 

Dear Mommies, you're loved and cherished and important. And we love you more than words could possibly express. Keep being amazing.